~She dances by the light of the moon~
Technical Difficulties
Welcome to my red "x" journal!
Homegirl changed servers and she has been under a lot of stress so the stuff hasn't been transferred to the new server yet.
If I get bold I might try and put my own template up but I am not as smart as Homegirl. She is the "mack mommy" of this coding stuff!
Hints and Innuendos
Eh, Hell*Mart wasn't so bad today. I only had to be in Toys until 3pm. I was afraid I was going to be stuck over there all freaking day. After that my lovely dept. manager took me to the back and gave me about 10 boxes of overstock to put out and to box up the overstock from the overnight crew. Big fun! So I did all that and actually got my area zoned early. So it wasn't so bad. I didn't have to catch a fish and I didn't have to do the door greeter duties.
I saw my beautiful sweetheart. He was swamped in TLE today. I don't know when he even took his break. He came through a little after five and saw me sitting at the table with Leslie and Nicole. He smiled so big and waved. Then he hurried over and sat down. He has a four day weekend from Valmont and he is finally starting to look like he is getting his rest. I told him I had good hours on Satuday 9am to 6pm and he said he didn't have any plans. So *keeping my fingers crossed, and knocking on wood while saying the Rosary* we will probably go out Saturday.
He has to work tomorrow. Can you believe that? Like sooo many people will want their oil changed on Thanksgiving! I told him that and he said he was going to put Turkey oil in the cars. I asked him what he had planned for afterwards and he said "nothing." So I said "Well, maybe I'll stop out and bring you a little something." He raised his eyebrows at me and said "A little something??" Then I busted out laughing because I remembered our conversation from the other day when we were calling my bra set a "little something". Leslie saved me by saying "That would be nice to bring him a little care package! I used to do that for Joel (her husband) all the time!" So I am going to make a plate for him tomorrow and bring it to him at his place. I'd love to spend some Thanksgiving time with him because I am ever so grateful for him.
I am so grateful to be able to feel this way again....I am grateful for all the joy and happiness he has brought to my life....for the simple fact that he just *is*. That God/ess made such a creature like him. I am grateful for every second I have spent with him...every smile we have exchanged,for every time he has looked into my eyes.
I hope he makes his move tomorrow...I simply cannot make the first move. I am not used to doing it. The last time I was at his house he had some scary movie on and he goes "Oh, this looks like it might be scary...." and I said "Oh, I might have to grab a hold of your leg..." But I *think* that was my cue to say "Oh, will you put your arm around me and keep me safe?" But I am not that bold. Maybe I'll tip a few back before I go....then I will be less inhibited.
Skank Boy Mike (Mike Lofgren....the booty call boy) called me on my cell at 3am!!!!!!!!! I don't even think so! That is so disrespectful. I just hung up on his ass. Loser. What could he possibly want at that hour except booty? No. He gets no love from me!
My Name is Jen and I Am A Slave
Well shit.
I spent most of my day and all of the night at Hell*Mart. Everybody is running around like mad bastards getting ready for the "Blitz"--the day after Thanksgiving shopping. My duties today included helping the my dept. manager Stella the Cunt set up displays, make labels and tags for items she forgot to label, Line Rush, go to a pointless meeting, help Pam in Cosmetics set up her four way display. Then I had to cover the fucking door greeter's 15 minute break and then his half hour lunch. PLUS catch fish for customers! Damn! I didn't get shit done in my area as far as zoning.
Tomorrow will be even better!! I get to go help in Toys! Wow!!! Evidently there is a huge amount of freight for Toys so I will be working over there tomorrow. So sayeth the the Butterfly named Chad. Even my dept. Manager is going to be over there. Like I have a fucking clue what to do in the Toy dept. Hopefully my sweet angel named Mike will be there.
Mike didn't work TLE today. Loretta told me he came in to do his grocery shopping yesterday when he got off work at Valmont and she said she saw him walk past HBA three times looking for me. She eventually said "Is there something I can help you with, Mike?" He said "No....I'm alright". But he didn't have anything in his hands. She said it was really sweet. I was sad he wasn't there today.
Leslie was there and we went to check the schedule for the next week and I saw that I actually have an 8-5 shift a week from Saturday. And a full 40 hour week! I grabbed my chest, turned around and slid down the board toward the floor. Leslie goes "What?" I said "Oh my God! Help Me!" As I clutched my chest. She was cracking up...she said "Oh no, it's the big one!" I said "Chad gave me an 8-5 shift!" We were rolling on the floor laughing. Then I realized that I would be working the same exact shift as my sweetheart. I said "Oh! I will be working the same shift as Mike!" So I turned that into a little dance where Leslie and I bumped hips while I sang "We work the same shift, we work the same shift". Right then Ass't. Mng. Beth Anne walked by and kind of smiled at us. I burst out laughing "Why do I always do shit like that when a manager is around???" At least it wasn't Chad.
Skank Boy sent me an email saying he came out looking for me on Saturday with a copy of Windows XP but that I had left already. Whatever. Mr. Booty Call.
The 5 Gratitudes
1. I didn't crash my car driving on the snow
2. I didn't fall on the ice
3. While it sucks shit, I at least have a job.
4. The love and laughter of friends
5. Comfortable pajamas
Ah, Hell....
I have to start getting ready for work. I should really just call this Blog "Wal*Mart is Hell" or "The Trials of A Wal*Mart Slave" (if I named it that, I would get the .wav file from "Army of Darkness" that says "My name is Ash and I am a slave." hahahaha). It is hard *not* to bitch about work. The only good part of it is hanging out at break with the friendly co workers and of course seeing Mike. It's just the customers and management that piss me off. I am going to try and be positive and have a positive outlook on the day....maybe then it will be good.
Thanks to Matt (I'll have to link this later, I can't remember the URL to his BLOG) for sending me the MP3 of "Dante's Prayer". He always comes through for me and I love him dearly. He is "my knight, a gentle one, who brings me Camelot". ;-)
I did some surfing on the Dark Conspiracy message board last night. Now I am more politically paranoid than before. I'll write more on that later. Boy, if talking about Al Gore pissed off some Republicans imagine how they will react when I post about some conspiracy theories I read!! Whooo doggie!
Anyway, I am off to The Great Dark Asterisk. So much for the positive attitude, eh?
Some Food For Your Soul
I am feeling in a peaceful, groovy kind of mood tonight so I decided to browse through some books to find some inspirational things to write in here.
I found this one in "Love Poems From God". (Y'all have to read this book). It is from St. Catherine of Siena. It made me smile:
"I won't take No for an answer",
God began to say to me
When He opened His arms each night
wanting us to
dance.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
And this, from someone named Henry Horton. Call it the "Our Mother". *Gentle smile*
Our Mother, whose body is the Earth,
Sacred is thy being. Thy gardens grow.
Thy will be done in our cities
as it is in nature.
Thanks be this day
for food, and air, and water.
Forgive us our sins against Earth,
as we are learning to forgive one another.
and surrender us not unto extinction,
but deliver us from our folly.
For thine is the beauty, and the power,
and all life, from birth to death,
from beginnig to end. Amen.
So be it.
Forever.
Blessed be.
It's A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood
I didn't have to go to work, it has been lightly snowing and I am drinking a hot cappucino. Yes, friends, it is a beautiful day in my neighborhood.
I want to thank
HomeGirl for the nifty little script on the lower left hand corner of my journal. The words are from a beautiful Loreena McKennit song called "Dante's Prayer" which I have felt really drawn to this past week.
I have been WANTING tonight. I feel an urge, a desire for something.....but I don't know what. I am just filled with a restlessness. I've had thoughts of packing the car up and heading up to Maine. That seems to be where I am happiest. True, things are going beautifully with Mike and I but.....he works sooo much. He has this goal of building a new house or buying one in town and keeping his cabin for a summer retreat. He wants to have that done in the next two years. To do this (and pay his $700/mo child support) he has to work two jobs. He gets about 3 hours of sleep a day. That leaves very little time for us. I suppose in the long run it will pay off, but times like this when I need him so much and I can't be with him I begin to question things.
The 5 Gratitudes:
1. I did not have to work today
2. Leslie rescued my coat from work
3. my health and the health of my loved ones
4. Tommy's mid-quarter grades are really good!
5. Klonopin----talk about being comfortably numb!!!
50 Questions
As seen on
Gamersnook You have got to read his blog. He is fantastic. It is refreshing to see someone with similar political views.
I'll get into all that later...Anyhow, here are mine (for the moment). I'd love to see Tamila, Tracy, Kelly, or Matt answer these. (hint hint)
Fifty Questions
1. Your name spelled backward.
refinneJ
2. Where were your parents born?
Omaha, NE for both of them.
3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
.wav file of that sappy old love song "Never My Love"
4. What's your favorite restaurant?
Olive Garden, or Red Lobster. Locally, The Fremont House.
5. Last time you swam in a pool?
Last summer at the Comfort Inn
6. Have you ever been in a school play?
In 3rd Grade I was the Cheshire cat in "Alice in Wonderland". In high school I was a juror in "Inherit the Wind"
7. How many kids do you want?
My two living children are fantastic but I'd love to have my daughter, Faith, back. Maybe I'll have another child with Mike if things work out.
.8. Type of music you dislike most?
COUNTRY
9. Are you registered to vote?
Yes.
10. Do you have cable?
Yes, in three rooms.
11. Have you ever ridden on a moped?
Nope.
12. Ever prank call anybody?
Of course.
13. Ever get a parking ticket?
Nope
14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
No, thank you. I enjoy my life. LOL
15. Furthest place you ever traveled.
Maine
16. Do you have a garden?
Not right now.
17. What's your favorite comic strip?
Don't have time to read the comics. How sad is that??
18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?
Yes, I do, and I'm proud of that fact. Those people who think we should change the anthem to God Bless America most likely don't know the words and/or history of the anthem. It's perfect. (Good answer, I think I'll leave that, LOL)
19. Bath or Shower, morning or night?
Shower in the morning, bath at night.
20. Best movie you've seen in the past month?
"My Big Fat Greek Wedding"
21. Favorite pizza topping?
Pepperoni
22. Chips or popcorn?
Popcorn.
23. What's your favorite color?
Purple
24. Have you ever smoked peanut shells?
I can't say that I have.
25. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?
Nope
26. Orange or Apple juice?
Orange
27. Favorite musical artist?
Too many to name: Harry Connick, Jr., Eminem, Melissa Etheridge, Enya, Lorenna McKennit, Eva Cassidy
28. Favorite type chocolate bar?
Symphony bar.
29. When was the last time you voted at the polls?
2000. I voted for the real winner, not the one selected by the Supreme Court.
30. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
Sometime last summer
31. Have you ever won a trophy?
No, *sniff, sniff*
32. Are you a good cook?
When I have the time, yes.
33. Do you know how to pump your own gas?
I know how but I will avoid it at all costs. I let a man do it for me.
34. Ever order an article from an infomercial?
No but I have been tempted.
35. Sprite or 7-Up?
7-Up.
36. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work?
Just the stupid Wal*mart vest. But I only wear it when I choose to. I am such a rebel.
37. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy?
KLONOPIN!! WOO HOO!!
38. Ever throw up in public?
Not yet
39. Would you prefer being a millionaire or finding true love?
I think I have found true love with Mike and I wouldn't trade that for all the money in the world.
40. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Yes. It happened with me and Mike.
41. Ever call a 1-900 number?
Hell no
42. Can exes be friends?
My ex husband and I get along great most of the time.
43. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital?
My dad.
44. Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby?
Tons of curly black hair
45. What message is on your answering machine?
Me saying something like, " I can't get to the phone right now, so please leave your name and number and we'll get back to you."
46. What's your all time favorite Saturday Night Live character?
Hell....I don't know.
47. What was the name of your first pet?
Lucky, the Beagle.
48. What is in your purse?
My wallet, checkbook, keys....a tube of lipstick, lip gloss, mascara, Cinnamon Altoids, KLONOPIN, Mike's picture
49. Favorite thing to do before bedtime?
Read a little.
50. What is one thing you are grateful for today?
My loved ones.
Escape from Wal*Mart
Winter is doing much better today. I am so glad. I hate seeing my babies sick.
I was only at work for 2 hours today. I decided I didn't really want to be there...LOL...and just told them I had to go home because my daughter was sick. I left just in time, too, because Chad was calling floor help to check or line rush. So I ran out of there like I was escaping from Alcatraz...even though I already had permission from Beth Anne to leave early. I was paranoid that Chad would find me and stop me.
I blew out of there so quickly that I left my coat in the break room for shit's sake! I am sure it will be fine. There are like a million coats hanging there and I don't think anyone is gonna take mine.
My sweetheart was having lunch in the breakroom when I left. I smiled at him but didn't stop because of my paranoia regarding management. He probably thinks I am being a stuck up bitch. I hope not. I will call him tomorrow (if he doesn't call first).
I safely escaped Wal*Mart and came back home. I did some grocery shopping at Food 4 Less and then had pizza and played with the kids. It was so nice to spend time with them--instead of Wal*mart customers--for a change.
I also visited my folks. My poor dad looks like he has been through the ringer. He is just pale and tired. Since he is diabetic it is going to take him longer to recover from this surgery than it would other people.
I want to write something inspirational and uplifiting in here but I am way too tired...coming down off my caffeine high.
The 5 Gratitudes
1. Hot cappucino
2. Finding the Jalepeno cheese crackers at Food 4 Less
3. the customer complimenting me and telling me what a good employee I am
4. Warm house that feels like home to everyone
5. scented candles
Face to Face With My Own Destiny
Today was better than yesterday...but I wasn't sure it was going to be.
Poor Winter was up all night throwing up. I was terribly worried for her. Finally around 5 am she was able to sleep and stay asleep without waking up to get sick. At 8:30 Tommy woke me up and asked me if I wanted him to get me something for breakfast like a sausage biscuit or pop tart. What a sweet boy he is. I told him that would be wonderful. *big smile* So he brought me a pop tart. Then Winter woke up and was crying so he carried her to me. I don't know why he felt like he had to take care of me this morning....perhaps because he knew I had a hard time being up with her all night. He has a heart of gold.
Then the next problem became "Who is going to watch Winter?" Leslie was working, my sister's kids are sick, my mom is helping my dad recover and couldn't watch her.....my ex-mother in law was going to be gone until 2pm.....and I had to be to work at 11. So I called Brian (the kids' dad) and told him that he was either going to have to sit with them until his mom got home (because he gets paid the same regardless of if he goes to work or not) or he was going to have to pay me a day's wages. So he grumbled "Bring her out." Winter seemed to perk up by the time we got to her dad's place and she is doing great now.
Work was alright. I had to go through the bins...which mean multiple trips to the back room to get boxes of overstock out and work them onto the shelves. That guy who assembles bikes in the back (Dan, I think is his name) was talking to me again. I have been working there for nearly six months and now he is talking to me? Whatever. So was the new ICS guy. He is cool, though. It is nice to see a decent person on ICS for a change. God, I would not want that job.
Anyway, on one of my many trips to the bins I walked past Sporting Goods and Alan says "Slow Down!" LMAO, because yesterday I told him how when I walk really fast I *really* enjoy my clit ring. LOL He asked me if Mike and I were going out tonight so I had to tell him how we weren't because Mike has to work. He asked me if I wanted to go to Franky & Oly's with him but I turned him down because I don't want to risk losing Mike and while Alan is coming out of his shell (so to speak) he is still a shit weasel to a certain degree.
I didn't take a lunch break because I wanted to clock out at 7 instead of 8. I just had two 15 minute breaks (which I stretched into 20-25 minute breaks, LOL). Leslie bought me a cappucino at one break. It was delicious but I burnt my tongue. At my second break my sweetheart came in! Alan was sitting at the other table looking all honked off because I was sitting with him. We just talked shit about people at work and about Winter being sick. Then I left and went back to my little corner of hell that is called HBA (Health and Beauty Aids).
I was busy helping customers (basically being a tour guide) for awhile then I decided I would clean ("Zone" in walmart-eese) my area. I was screwing around with the shampoo bottles when I hear this voice go "Stock, Stock and re-stock". I looked up and it was my angel!
Can I just say that the boy looks HOT in the navy blue TLE uniform! It brings out his GORGEOUS blue eyes. Besides my children, I have never seen such beautiful blue eyes. It was 6pm and he was on his way home but he stopped by to see me. He said how he was all pissed off because he had to work this weekend. He even has to work SUNDAY at Wal*Mart. We compared schedules for the next week and it looks like maybe (God/ess willing) we can do something on Monday or Saturday. I actually have white people hours next Saturday 9am-6pm! I told him that I didn't care what we did...if he was tired we could just sit at his place and watch movies. Hell, I could just watch him sleep and I would be perfectly content. So that is what we aiming for....Monday, Saturday or Sunday. He is going to call me and we can talk more about it. You're damn skippy that phone will be right by my side.
I thanked him for stopping by and he said "Well, I wanted to see you and get this worked out." He just stared at me and I just stared at him....one of those glances where if a stranger were to walk by they could look at us and say "Yes, those two are in love." It was like we were making love to one another with our eyes. Damn Wal*Mart and their customers and fucking security cameras. If not for them I would have embraced him. But we both know THE WAL*MART WAY and if that happened one of us would have been fired for sexual harrassment.
I waited a few minutes for him to leave, then I ran out to Garden Center and Leslie goes "Why are you glowing? Is your clit ring bouncing?" I laughed and told her that Mike came to see me and what all he said. She danced with me and spun me around. LOL. All the other Garden Center workers and customers smiled at us. (I should stop calling it 'Garden Center'....it is now the Christmas Shoppe" and on the weekends the workers dress up as elves).
The 5 Gratitudes
1. Saying the Hail Mary silently to myself at work. When I say that good things happen.
2. Mike coming to see me when he got off work.
3. Satisfying sex
4. making my friends laugh (not laugh 'at' me but 'with' me, LOL)
5. my parents
