OUCH

Why do I hurt myself?

Today I went in for the monthly waxing of the eyebrows. Jesus, Mary and Joseph. It looks like I am wearing magenta eyeshadow.

Even though I go once a month and have the same lady (named Jennifer, oddly enough) I always tell her "don't change the shape, I just want them cleaned up". It is like my mantra when I am at the salon. I am surprised she hasn't told me "Yeah, I know it already". Today she was super sweet....she said "You have such beautiful eyebrows. They have a wonderful natural arch to them and they aren't bushy." I was thinking "You're damn right! So don't mess 'em up" but I just smiled and said "Thank you".

I suspect her good mood is due in large part to the fact that she is pregnant. She is due in Sept.

Also on the beauty front, I had my nails done today. Look at me go. I got so much accomplished today.

And if you haven't guessed , it is indeed payday.

Will be spending the weekend with Mark again. I really wanted to go out and get a new outfit....but didn't want to go shopping with magenta eyelids.

Today I thank the Goddess for:
1. Ibuprofen
2. My hair being extra shiny and healthy looking lately. What's up with that??
3. finding my necklace
4. my paycheck
5. my parents  ¶ 4:07 PM

  This was sent to me by my mentor/friend Matt:

The Seven Deadly Sins

ANGER
1. Who did you last get angry with? My kids, Tom and Winter. They were fighting with each other...not a wise thing to do when mom has PMS.

2. What is your weapon of choice? The Silent Treatment or evil stares

3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? I have in the past and would do it again in self defense.

4. How about of the same sex? Yep, if she provokes me or tries to mess with my man.

5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you? My son, when I told him if he didn't straighten out I was going to throw his Yu Gi Oh cards in the snow.

6. What is your pet peeve? Liars

7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily? I have been known to keep a grudge.

SLOTH
1. What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that
you haven't done in a long time? Don't know....I do all the daily stuff...ok, well, maybe flossing my teeth. I don't do that EVERY DAY

2. What is the latest you've ever woken up? noon

3. Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't? my friend Michelle

4. What is the last lame excuse you made? calling Hell*Mart and telling them I couldn't come to work because I had my period. LOL

5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through? I used to like those Susan Powter ones (bald headed lady, jumping around screaming about how her thighs don't rub together anymore---big fun!!!)

6. When was the last time you got a good workout? Aside from romping around with Mark last night *wicked laughter*....I worked out for 45 minutes this afternoon.

7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on
your alarm clock today? None


GLUTTONY
1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice? Cauppucino

2. Meat eaters: white meat or red meat? Red

3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one
sitting/outing/event? most recently, 5 tequila sunrises the last time I was at Franky & Oly's (back in October)

4. Have you ever used a professional diet company? no

5. Do you have an issue with your weight? doesn't every woman have an issue with their weight? (Thanks Barbie! GRRR)

6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods? salty

7. Have you ever looked at a small housepet or child
and thought food? nope

LUST
1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)? 14 men and 3 women (get your mind out of the gutter!)

2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family? See above

3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of
your gender of choice during a normal conversation? Yep. I was eyeing Marks package last night while we were fully clothed and carrying on a normal conversation.

4. Have you "done it"? By that do you mean done it in any particular way? or just any old way? Ummm....yes?

5. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice? Eyes, chest, hair, lips...

6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute? no

7. Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy? yes and came back clean! I haven't been pregnant since 1999.

GREED
1. How many credit cards do you own? 1

2. What's your guilty pleasure store? Hastings, Claire's, Maurcie's, The Limited

3. If you had $1 million, what would you do with it? Buy a house in Belfast, Maine

4. Would you rather be rich, or famous? rich

5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks? As long as it wasn't telemarketing

6. Have you ever stolen anything? No

7. How many MP3s are on your hard drive? 121, smart ass. LOL!

PRIDE
1. What one thing have you done that you're most proud of? Finding the courage to leave Ron.....opening a secret bank account when I lived with him, getting a job, finding my own house, driving my own car. I am no longer a "kept woman" or his possession. I am with a man I love because I want to be. Not because I "have" to in order to survive.

2. What one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of? When I started a support group at our local hospital for parents who have lost a child. I got the group non-profit status, arranged publicity, memorials, fundraisers, led the group, wrote the newsletters, summoned a Board of Directors. It was very healing for me.

3. What thing would you like to accomplish in your life? to go back to school and get my degree

4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place? no

5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors? no

6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score? no

7. What did you do today that you're proud of? I hung out in the bookstore for 2 hours so my son could participate in the Yu Gi Oh duels the store was hosting.


ENVY
1. What item of your friends would you most want to have for your own? my friend Cynthia's house in Washington Heights (the very nice neighborhood I used to live in with Ass Bag)

2. Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces"? don't know I've never watched the show.

3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be? Linda Greenlaw....female swordboat captain

4. Have you ever been cheated on? yes

5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own? yep

6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself? darker skin...I have this pasty white Irish skin

7. Do you wish you'd come up with this survey? no

8. Finally, what is your favorite deadly sin? LUST

The Seven Heavenly Virtues

FAITH
1. What religion do you follow? Solitary Eclectic Witch

2. What religion were you raised as? Catholic

3. Do you believe that forgiveness is a religious property, or a human property? it is a spiritual property

4. Do you believe in magic? I believe in magick and trust in the Goddess

5. What was the last promise you broke? I don't really know that I have broken a promise recently.....I won't make a promise unless I can keep it.

6. Have you ever said the words to a prayer and not meant it? no

7. Do you believe that anyone could be perfect? no, no human can be perfect except for little babies


HOPE
1. Did you get everything you wanted over the last holiday season? I got everything I needed

2. Regarding your future, what is the best thing you could hope for? someday getting married, settling into a real home, a job I love, and vacations every once in awhile.

3. Do you let yourself get your hopes up for something even if you know that there is a large chance of failure? not anymore. Been burned too many times that way. Now I hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

4. Have you ever bought a lottery ticket? yep

5. Do you gamble? no

6. Have you ever had something called off on account of bad weather, but then gone ahead and done it anyway? no

CHARITY
1. What causes do you support? animal rights, women's rights, grief issues

2. What causes have you given money or time to? SHARE, PETA, NOW

3. Have you ever worked in a soup kitchen or done another kind of outreach for the homeless? no

4. Would you ever consider joining the Peace Corps, Amnesty International, or another travel? yes

5. Do you give money to the homeless on the street? I haven't seen any around in Fremont

6. Have you ever helped out a friend with basic needs, like rent or food? yes

7. What's the greatest extent you've gone to help a friend in need? loaned money, let my sister live with me when she didn't have a place to stay, let my nephew stay with me for a few months when he was looking for a job.

FORTITUDE
1. What are you most afraid of? losing my loved ones...either to death or seperation

2. What did you do today that was really brave? hung out for two hours in a stuffy bookstore with pre-pubescent and adolescent boys. Some of whom could have benefitted from deodorant.

3. Who is your favorite superhero, and why? Catwoman...she is sooo sexy LOL

4. Would you put your life in danger to rescue someone? for a child or my loved ones, yes.

5. If you were to face the Wizard, would you want more courage, more brains,or more heart? courage

6. Have you ever gotten stage fright? no

7. Do you consider yourself to be a leader or a follower? I am a free spirit and some choose to follow me.

JUSTICE
1. Have you ever been summoned for jury duty? no

2. If they reinstituted the draft (for both genders), would you go, or would find some way out of it? I'd find a way out of it. (Sorry I am a wuss. Therefore I am very grateful for those men and women who do serve. It's a very brave and noble thing to do).

3. Do you support capital punishment (the death penalty)? Nope

4. Which should be guaranteed legal? wha....???

5. Do you believe that Dubya is rightfully President of the USA? HELL NO!!! Don't *even* get me started on that one

6. What was your favorite media circus trial? the Clinton/Lewinsky thing.

7. Have you ever written a letter to a politician? Yep. I wrote twice to the Governor (on different occasions) asking him to Proclaim Feb. 14 as Congenital Heart Disease Awareness Day (which he did) and then to Proclaim October 15 as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day (and he made the Proclamation at public ceremony in the State Capital). I also wrote to Bill Clinton when he was president. I got an autographed picture of him and Socks. =-)

TEMPERANCE
1. What do you have the hardest time moderating yourself on? spending money on friviolous things

2. Do you collect anything? lighthouses, frogs, mermaids

3. Are you addicted to anything? Besides Mark? I don' think so.

4. Have you ever put anything on layaway or used an installment plan? yes

5. What's your preferred method of paying for things? cash/check

6. Tell us one thing you wish you hadn't let yourself do? Meet the Nahant Sea Serpent

7. Do you feel that you obsess over things? Yes, I admit to that.

PRUDENCE
1. Who is the wisest person you know? My dad

2. Have you ever participated in a vigil? yes

3. Do you take advice when it's given? if I like it and it makes sense to me.

4. What area are you wisest in? sex (hahahaha) and Stephen King

5. Do you drive defensively? yes

6. Have you ever had unprotected sex outside of marriage? yes

7. What did you learn today? Every little blade of grass has an angel leaning over it, whispering "grow, grow".

8. And of course, what is your favorite heavenly virtue? Faith
  ¶ 3:52 PM

  Me and My Boyfriend

Who needs Klonopin when there is Mark?

My beloved came over this evening after work and we had dinner together. Then after Brian got the kids, he hooked up my new DVD player and the TV/VCR thingy in the kids' room. He even went out to Hell*Mart and bought some cable and switches so that Tom could have his Game Cube and N64 hooked up at the same time. He also bought Tom a Yu Gi Oh dog tag necklace and two folders for his cards. He is so thoughtful and self less.

After our "chores" were done....we spent some quality time together. Heh heh...I put some of my belly dance moves into play and he goes "You are soooo bad!!!" hahahahaha

He chased my PMS away! Yay for Mark! He is the hero!!!

Tonight, I thank the Goddess for these:
1. lying in bed with my lamp on watching a DVD
2. Mark....I know without a doubt She brought him to me. Good Karma finally came back around.
3. being able to replace all of Ron's shit with my own stuff.
4. green candles and shiny coins
5. my body and all the wonderous sensations I can experience with it.  ¶ 12:14 AM

  Klonopin Take Me Away

Today I need the super-sized industrial strength bottle of Klonopin!

My children (more like demons disguised as children) are driving me up the wall. The are fighting like cats and dogs and refuse to listen to any thing I have to say to them. Finally I went in there and laid down the law: quit fighting or the damned Yu Gi Oh cards are going out in the snow!! That prompted a big round of crying, at which time my parents decided to call to see how my day was going. So I dropped a big old PMS bomb on them. LMAO I don't know what they said to Tom but whatever it was calmed him down and made him leave his sister alone.

Then when they got back on the phone with me everything my mom was saying was like sandpaper on my skin. It was all true but it was pissing me off. For example she mentioned how Tom really has no positive male role model in his life because when Brian has him all he does is sit on the computer chatting...he never taught him about baseball or things like that. And that is because Brian's dad never taught him. Brian is a nerd. He will admit it to you. He is not "manly". And Tom needs someone like that in his life. The only respectable role model he has is my dad. And thank the Goddess for my dad because he has taught Tom a lot. My dad is a genius.

*Sigh* Brian has always had difficulty with Tom. I remember when Tom was a baby and Brian came home from work. He just kind of walked past Tom and I said "Why don't you go play with Tommy?" His response was "I don't know him." I kid you not. "I don't know him." However ever since Winter was born (Feb. 1999) they have been attatched at the hip. When Tom was in soccer in Kindergarten Brian never practiced with him because Brian doesn't know how to play any type of sport. He is the kind that will duck when a ball comes toward him.

His way of playing with Tom was/is "toilet humor". Brian thinks that's the funniest thing and that's the only way the two of them connect. And here I am struggling to get Tom to stop talking like that and making those kind of jokes but it's an uphill battle when his father encourages it. Sometimes I wish I would never have married Brian. That I would have finished college, and gone on to marry someone better suited for me. But, I can't change the past. I made the best decision I could at the time considering I was only 20 years old. And he seemed like he could provide me with a stable, secure future.

Besides all that my hair is just nasty. It won't do a damn thing I ask it to. I ought to just shave it off. I am fed up with it.

I feel all fat and bloated and I don't like any of my clothes.

Woe is me.   ¶ 2:38 PM

  Somebody Get Me Some Midol, Please!?!

As mentioned in the post below, I have a wicked bad case of PMS this week. I am quick to anger, assuming the worst, feeling insecure, weepy and all that good stuff.

So, this afternoon I was emailing Mark while he was at work....warning him that it was THAT TIME OF THE MONTH and if he observed any odd behavior from me, to chalk it up to that.

He responded thusly:

"but sweetheart
you fail to relaise
your MY pmssy bitchy person
thats all that matters
and I dont know what I would do without you *kiss*
love you dearest"

Oh, this is good. LOL, he is well versed in the art of handeling a premenstrual woman. Even though I was feeling horrible he managed to make me laugh.

A short while later the "insecure PMS Jen" popped up. So I emailed him back just to make sure we were still going to spend the weekend together. Here is his brilliant response:

"Here on earth when a Guy says he loves a woman and really means it and says he cant stand to be without her ,it is a given that they spend their joint free time together
silly goose
*HUG*
:)

and if you didnt read that clearly
YES I am spending the weekned with you :)"

The poor man. He is so good to me.

This will be the second round of PMS he has gone through with me. He doesn't seem scared in the least. He is indeed a brave and wonderful man.

Oh, and props to my ex-husband Brian for coming up with a wonderful new nickname for TLE Mike..."workaholic chicken of initimacy".




  ¶ 2:58 PM

  I'll Teach My Eyes To See Beyond These Walls In Front Of Me

Damn. I don't have anything interesting to say.

Except that I spent $475 at Hell*Mart last night getting my own TV's and DVD players because Ron realizes I am with Mark and am not going anywhere so he naturally wants his stuff back. Damn....$475. That hurt. But, as Mark so comfortingly pointed out to me when I was in tears (worried that I wouldn't be able to support my kids, etc) that at least I can say "this is MINE." And no one can take it away from me. He also reminded me in his calm, rational voice that all my monthly bills are paid, I have income and I will be ok. I need his calm rational voice...especially at This Time Of The Month.

He is an angel. I swear the Goddess sent him to me. He's like my own personal cheerleader. Whenever I feel deafeated by something he will show me another way to look at it and he always makes me feel better.

While shopping for MY new electronic equipment last night several of the Wage Slaves came over to say "hello". They all probably thought Mark and I were setting up a new house somewhere or something. Good, let them think that. Alan looked very sad, but then I would look very sad if I had to work there, too.

Mark bought me a tool kit.

I told him "Go ahead, it's not like I know how to use any of it."

And he said "Well at least this way if I tell you to hand me a screwdriver you'll have one to hand me."

So there we were in the Hardware department....Mark looking at all the various tool kits and I just started daydreaming. I have not a clue what any of it is nor do I care to learn. So I just spaced off.

He looked back over his shoulder at me and saw my glassy eyed stare and started cracking up. Guess you had to be there but it was pretty funny.

Then Beth Anne got on the PA and announced "Zone Defense" for the poor Wage Slaves. I just laughed and laughed. My spirit danced delightedly within me! I didn't have to respond to the Zone Defense! My God, what a relief. Of course I had to go check out HBA and see if they were keeping it looking good. Much to my amazement someone had zoned it. Becky from Toys told me that they sent Garden Center over to do it. hahahahaha

The Gorgeous One (that would be Mark) and I went out for a nice dinner last night. I had this delicious Cajun steak and shrimp. Then we had some sort of chocolate PMS dream thingy for dessert and I accidently dropped some of it down my shirt. Color me embarrassed!

I am all PMS'ed out. Cranky, moody, emotional, sore boobs.....the whole 9 yards. Fun!

*Taking a deep breath* I accept and bless my circumstances.

5 Gratitudes:

1. Mark's love and support
2. Now all the furniture, electronics, etc in my house is MINE and I don't have to worry about anyone trying to take it away.
3. scented candles
4. the way my body feels after exercise
5. cuddling up to The Gorgeous One
  ¶ 12:11 PM

  Why do I

Think I must have this?

But, putting that aside for now, I had a pretty good day.

Nice and peaceful.....nobody to put a harsh on my mellow. I watched my DVD, listened to the commentary by Stephen King. It's nice not to have to work weekends.

Tom is happy with his new trading cards. Winter enjoys her Barbies and they both love having me home with them.

Mark came over for a couple hours this afternoon to visit. The kids really enjoy him. As do I. =-)

I am tired. But, here are my 5 Gratitudes:

1. Mark
2. spending time with my kids
3. being able to pay my bills and have a little bit left over
4. warm bath, good book and chocolate all at the same time. Need I say more?
5. My son is so smart and so sweet

  ¶ 2:08 AM