~She dances by the light of the moon~
Reminders to my Self:
If I repeat these enough times to my self maybe I will start to believe them:
1. I am a weak, insecure, clingy, needy confident, secure, smart, independant woman.
2. I have a man who loves me very much.
3. I am a horrilbe, inpatient wonderful mother.
4. I have hyper, terrible, wicked lovely children.
5. I am having a horrible, shitty, nerve-wracking wonderful weekend.
Ooops, there goes another late charge
Well, it looks like the DVD my sister and I rented won't be back by noon today. Screw you, Blockbuster.
I had buckets of fun last night. My son spent the night at my sister's place with his cousin. So, it was just Winter and I. I played with her and talked on the phone a bit. Then at 10pm I put her to bed and went to sleep myself. What an exciting Friday night! Me, in bed, (by myself, nonetheless) on a Friday night. Something is wrong with that picture.
Hmm. Maybe tonight will be better.
I was wicked tired last night anyway. Work was hell on wheels. Not that it was "bad" but very busy. Nearly every patient that came in got therapy. I had them lined up waiting. We saw 30 patients in the morning and at least that many in the afternoon. On top of that, there were three new patients between 1pm and 3pm in addition to the regulars. I didn't even have time to pull Monday's folders, so I may have to slip in the office sometime this weekend and get them pulled. I'd rather do that than go in early on Monday.
On a happier note, I finally got my raise. .50 cents more per hour than I was getting which is excellent. My overtime pay will really be good. I shouldn't complain, though. Because at Hell*Mart it was 90 days before I got my raise and I have only been with the doctor for a month. My raise will go into effect on May 5--Oh, Cinco De Mayo! break out the tequila!
Not much else is new. Mark and I saw House of 1000 Corpses on Wednesday. It was an interesting movie. Memorable and demented are a couple other words that come to mind.
My sister spent the night on Thursday. We watched movies, visited Faith's grave, took Tom to his Yu Gi Oh tournament and played with her Karoke machine. Mark came over for dinner.
Rae found this lovely mermaid templatefor me. (Lower left hand corner of page) The mermaid does resemble me and I would love to use it as a template but don't know how.
Have I mentioned how much I hate Real player?
5 silver linings on my cloud:
1. I got my raise
2. It is the weekend and I can sleep in
3. hmm....let me think.....
4. I am still alive (I guess that's good)
5. My kids aren't sick.
Friday Five
1. What was the last TV show you watched?
The last TV show I watched was Tuesday, on the Sci-Fi channel. It was something about real life hauntings caught on video tape.
2. What was the last thing you complained about and what was the problem?
The last thing I complained about was my eyes. We had a busy day in the office this morning and just before lunch my vision was getting all blurry.
3. Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say?
My daughter, Winter. I told her I liked her hair (and I guess I should say I complimented my sister, too, because she french braided Winter's hair)
4. What was the last thing you threw away?
A white sheet that was on a patient's folder saying when he was supposed to come back in.
5. What was the last website (besides this one) that you visited?
Fangoria
In the desert
I saw a creature, naked, bestial
who, squatting upon the ground
held his heart in his hands
and ate of it.
I said "Is it good, friend?"
"it is bitter...bitter," he answered;
"But I like it
Because it is bitter
and brecause it is my heart."
--Stephen Crane
1. You've been given the chance to go back to a point in your life and change a single decision you made; you'll lose everything that happened since then, but you'll get to live in the shiny new parallel timeline that develops. Would you? What would you change? And would you want to keep the memory of this timeline, too?
No, I wouldn't. Because any decision I would chage would cause me to lose everything important to me (my kids, Mark, etc) and it's not worth that.
2. If you could legally sell your vote in the next Presidential election -- hand someone a signed, blank ballot in exchange for money -- would you do it? And what price would you ask?
I sure would. As the quote says The power is not with the people who cast the votes but with the people who count the votes. As for the asking price, I would sell it on EBAY to the highest bidder. Yeah, I know, not the most patriotic, idealistic thing to do but baby needs new shoes!! LOL
3. What one object do you own that has the most sentimental value to you?
Faith's lock of hair and her foot and hand prints that the hospital gave me after she died.
Bitch, Ima Kill You!
Not a good day.
In fact a very shitty day.
And I will be kicking me some doctor ass.
But for now I'm going to go mess around with Mark. I will write more when I get back.
April 22: The *What Is* Edition
What Is...
1. Yummier: Chocolate ice cream or strawberry cheesecake? chocolate ice cream
2. Better to watch on TV: Movies or sports? Movies
3. A better web browser: MSIE or Netscape (or tell us your own favorite!) I have only used MSIE. I have no clue about Netscape
4. A better way to travel: Automobile or bus/train? Auto
5. Your preferred camera: Digital or film? Digitial. If you take a crappy picture you can see it right away and fix what is wrong. LOL
6. A Cooler Vehicle: Motorcycle or sports car? Sports car
7. More fun: Video games or board games? Board games can be much more fun if alcohol is involved
8. Sexier: A perfect body or an intelligent mind? intelligent mind--but a nice bod doesn't hurt, either
9. A stinkier smell: Skunk or gasoline (petrol)? Skunk. Call me Geraldo--oops, I mean crazy--but I like the smell of gasoline.
10. Thought-provoking question of the week: What is more important to you: making a ton of money and being at the top of your field, or finding your soulmate and living a comfortable but not wealthy life? Easy. Finding your soulmate and living a comfortable life. That is what I am doing now, although we don't live together yet.
Tonight Sucked
I ended up drinking Tequila and smoking cloves.
When the stress is too much I resort to alcohol and cloves. (Some wierd part of my mind justifies smoking
cloves since they aren't "real" cigarettes--a bit of Jen Logic for you, there).
Part of my mood was just winding down after being alone with Doc for the past two days and knowing that I made it. I did fine. In fact the man was in a wonderful mood this afternoon. I got to do therapy on Mark (OOH baby!) Doc told me to do an ultrasound on his neck/shoulders.
So I came in the room and had him take his shirt off and just as the dirty thoughts are running through my mind Doc shouts "Jennifer!" from the other side of the door. I thought "oh hell. What now??" And he goes "You two behave yourselves in there." He was just funny. Then I teased him about getting a raise. That if he gave me a raise maybe I could pay for dinner this weekend. He laughed and said "Oh you are pressing your luck...asking for a rasie AND dinner!" I said "I figured I'd butter BOTH of you up".
So yeah, he was in a good mood. I am sure the $1400 he got in the mail today helped his mood tremendously.
But back to my funk.
Money is tight everywhere. I hate that. And I am supposed to be moving out of my house in June..which is a good thing....this place is too small. But it is going to cost a small fortune. I wish like hell I could have a room mate to split the cost of rent and utilities. But room mates are hard to come by when you have two kids. *sigh*
LOL, a line from an OLD song just came to my head: "saving nickels, saving dimes, work until the sun don't shine. looking forward to happier times..." Except I won't be going to Blue Bayou.....
My Cat
shall rue the day he was born.
It's not good enough for him that I have to get up at 6am, feed and clothe myself and the children. Oh no. He must wake me up at
5 am to feed and water him. He could not wait one more hour.
It's not like he was starving. He eats all day and night.
I tried my best to ignore his continuous meowing but it was useless. He just got louder and louder. I tried throwing my Cosmo magazine at him but it didn't work. I considered throwing my book at him but by this time I was already wide awake. So I stomped out of bed calling him every thing I could think of and dumped half the bag of cat food in his dish. I then growled at him "THERE! Are you happy now????" And flopped back into bed mumbling promises of making his life miserable.
I notice he is staying away from me this lunch hour.
Work is tolerable. I don't like being alone with the doctor. I have nothing in common with the man so have no way to conversate with him other than office related things. Then he asks me all these stupid questions like I have no clue what's going on: "Did you leave those copies on Brenda's desk?" "Did you stamp the back of the checks?" "So and So has therapy in the back". No shit! Thanks for the clue, Barney.
I got Winter's pictures back from the day care. God, she looks like a doll. I'll have to get it scanned and in here.
5 thank you's for today:
1. no folders or cards were lost or difficult to find today
2. Brenda will be back tomorrow
3. my new blue outfit is gorgeous
and comfortable.
4. Some of my favorite patients came in today.
5. Mark will be there at 5:15 tonight.
Happy Easter
Just "hopping" in to wish everyone a Happy Easter and to say that I had a wonderful time with Mark. We spent most of the day in bed....making love, talking, having hot, sweaty animal sex *evil laughter* and then we went out to lunch.
We just now got back from Wal*Mart. I picked up some groceries and had the oil in my car changed at TLE. Thankfully I didn't see Mike
I decided to empty my inbox since it was pretty darn full (Aurora now you can send me the sea themed wedding ideas, please! *smile*) Anyway, while I was doing that I see this letter from my ex husband. He was all pissed off becuase in my last post (in my gratitudes) I said that I was grateful I had seen lots of different things and hadn't spent my whole life in one town like Alan or Brian. I didn't mean it in an insulting way..I was just stating a fact. And this is the reply I got in my email box. Not in the shout outs, mind you, but in the email:
Jen,
first of all Happy Easter.
I read your blog while the eggs were cooking lol.
I just want to say about your Blog for today.
I do not know about Alan's situation but I cannot afford to date now, let alone travel. IF I could afford to travel and had a special someone to go with me, there are a lot of places around the U.S id like to travel too: The grand Canyon, Pearl Harbor, some Civil war battlefields out east. Anyplace there are Palm trees
As for living my life in a single town not knowing anything about the world is not accurate. as a child I've been to Houston, Pikes Peak in Colorado, Tennessee, both K.C & St. Louis. I've also been to MT Rushmore in South Dakota. Adventure land with you when we were engaged. Besides where a person lives does not correspond to their knowledge of the world.
If you had wanted to go to Maine when we were dating we could have gone, it was just never thought of. By the time Maine came into life we could no longer afford it. & when I did get the 2000 bonus, you had already decided to move in with Ron. I would have gladly Moved to Maine in Jan of 2001, but you chose Ron so that you would have had the choice to continue to be a homemaker as opposed to be forced to work as you would have been with me or the way you have to now since Ron got arrested last year. know you feel that Mark is your soulmate & I am happy for you, but I will always feel that we could have made it if we would have hung in there a little longer.
I am not trying to sound pissy in this e-mail. It is just I felt insulted with the remark regarding Alan & me. it made us sound like a bunch of hicks. I have no doubt that Alan is a "hick" But I am not. Alan is about as smart as Keith, (dumb as a post) I consider (and always have) the farm for me a job, not a life. I do NOT plan on being on this farm my whole life. I will not die farming unless some type of accident happens before I am ready to leave. I am not working on my degree for nothing. Even if I were to decide to "stay" on the farm till retirement, the farm will not last long enough for me to do so. Cornell & I cannot do the work of five people with just the two of us. At best it would be a seasonal job with regular jobs in between planting & Harvesting, and if it does come to that arrangement I would NOT stay on the farm & then focus on the new career in the business world. I may not be as "professional" as some city-boys YET, but I am not the pick-up driving, nascar watching, devil music fan, beer-drinking hick like Alan or other rednecks. Believe me, No one in the civilized world wants or needs a vacation more than I do. I listen to talk radio, watch the stock market & other economic signs & politics like a normal person. my political views are based on my life's events as they happened to me & how I was treated by people from both political parties. Not because of my family, or events from my child hood. Once again I am sorry if this letter sounds pissy but I was upset by the "Alan & Brian" remark. I really hope you have a Happy Easter.
Love, brian
So, since he didn't put it in the shout outs, I decided to post it here for him.
Alright, I'm off to Mark's now...but first
Twenty Questions - Sunday 20th April 2003: Love/Hate/How Many?
1. Which household chore do you really hate? dishes
2. Which chore do you like doing? dusting
3. What is the worst job you've ever done? "zoning" the shelves in Hell*Mart
4. What would be your dream job? swordboat captain
5. What's the worst job you can imagine? being a telemarketer
6. What is the happiest event you've experienced? meeting my beloved Mark (that's right up there with having my kids and meeting Stephen King)
7. What is the saddest thing you've experienced? the death of my daughter, Faith.
8. Have you experienced true love? I sure have. I feel it everyday with my sweetheart.
9. Is there anyone you hate? Why? I hate
Mike for making me feel so foolish.
10. How many countries have you visited? none, I am sad to admit.
11. How many houses have you lived in? too many to count
12. How many towns have you lived in? 4
13. How many schools/colleges have you attended? 2 high schools, 1 college
14. How many cars have you had? 4
15. How many people live in your house? 3 (myself and my two kids on Tues., Thurs. and every other weekend--"ah, the beauty of divorce" she said sarcastically)
16. How many pets have you had? I've had the same cat for 14 years
17. How many siblings do you have? 3--2 brothers and 1 sister, all older than I am.
18. How many drinks make you drunk? 3
19. How many websites do you have? 2
20. How many hours a day are you online? probably 3 when all added together
