And Another....

I heard this song on the dreaded Froggy 98 at Mahnke's office Tuesday afternoon.

I was already having a "Faith Moment", so when I heard this song I literally had to bite the inside of my mouth so I wouldn't cry at work.

My heart was heavy all day after hearing it and Theresa asked me what was wrong. So I told her.

Being the wonderful (and resourceful) friend that she is, she managed to find out who sang the song and tonight she sent me the MP3. That just made my night!


This songs hits so close to home. I remember when Faith was sick (and I was Catholic) how I prayed and begged for her life to be spared. And I believed God would do it! She had already had a couple miracles and did far better than most with her heart condition do. So, when she died.....I felt like the rug was pulled out from underneath me. I felt like I had been slapped in the face (God-smacked, LMAO, if you will).

Anyway, I have to put the lyrics here for safe keeping.

Oh, and this morning as I was getting ready for work--giving myself the "pep talk" to face the day and naturally hoping/praying for The Wee One's safety--a white feather floated down from the celing and landed on my arm. Those of you who know the story of the white feathers understand how profound that was for me.

STREETS OF HEAVEN

Hello God, it's me again
2:00am. Room 304. Visiting hours are over
Time for our bedside tug of war
This sleeping child between us
May not make it through the night
I'm fighting back the tears as she fights for her life

Well it must be kind of crowded on the streets of heaven
So tell me what do you need her for
Don't you know one day she'll be your little girl forever
But right now I need her so much more
She's much too young to be on her own
Barely just turned seven
So who will hold her hand when she crosses the streets of heaven

Tell me God, do you remember the wishes that she made
As she blew out the candles on her last birthday cake
She wants to ride a pony when she'd big enough
She wants to marry her daddy when she's all grown up

Chorus

Lord don't you know she's my angel
You got plenty of your own
And I know you hold a place for her
But she's already got a home
Well I don't know if you're listenin'
But praying is all that's left to do
So I ask you Lord have mercy, you lost a son once too

And it must be kind of crowded on the streets of heaven
So tell me what do you need her for
Don't you know one day she'll be your little girl forever
But right now I need her so much more
Lord I know once you've made up your mind there's no use in beggin'
So if you take her with you today, will you make sure she looks both ways
And would you hold her hand when she crosses the streets of heaven

  ¶ 10:33 PM

  For Faith

"No One Knows But You"--Beth Nielsen Chapman
(note: anyone who has suffered the loss of a loved one should get Beth's CD "Sand And Water". I bought it almost a year after Faith died and have found the songs to be very healing.)


I can almost feel you smiling
From beyond those silver skies
As you watch me finding my way
Here without you in my life

Chorus:
No one knows but you
How I feel inside
No one knows
No one knows but you

I've come so close to believing
All the echoes in the wind
Brushing my hair off my shoulders
I feel you there once again

Chorus

And if there is some magic
Some way around these stars
Some road that I can travel
To get to where you are
I'll cry this empty canyon
An ocean full of tears

And I won't stop believing
That your love is always near

Chorus

  ¶ 12:43 PM

 

My Son, The Smart-Ass

The bat is still lying in the front yard. I'll probably bring it in before I go back to work. At least it ended the fighting last night.

And the phone is back in one piece.

After I threw it at the wall (being fed up of my ex-husband spoon feeding me his religion) Tom went over to it and studied it for a minute or two.

Then he took it over to the kitchen table and fixed it while Winter watched him!

He brought it back to me and said "It's a good thing I'm good at electronics, like Papa and Mark."

Little smart ass! LOL

  ¶ 12:08 PM

 

Before I Go To Bed I Must Explode

I like to think I am a good mother. Even though I will let my children drink soda and I don't put them to bed at 9pm during the summer. And yes, *gasp* sometimes I play my Eminem CD when Winter is in the room.

But I bend over backwards for my kids--always putting thier interest and happiness before mine. So, you would think that once in awhile they might show me some appreciation. I haven't been so lucky.

Today we trekked out to the theater in the rain, spent $20 and 10 minutes in line for popcorn to go see "Finding Nemo". It was a great movie and we had a great time. I make a home cooked meal for them and what thanks do I get?

*Tom throwing a DRY towel into the bath tub after I just told him not to get the floor all wet.

*Constant fighting for the past half hour over a baseball bat (which will soon be out in the street)

**There bat has been thrown out the front door****

and since my ex husband just called me and won't stop carrying on about how I should join the Catholic Church I threw the phone against the wall.

Wonderful! What a great night!

Now I can struggle to go to sleep with this pounding headache, wake up in a few hours and spend all goddamn day at Dr. Mahnke's office!

Yep! It sucks to be me!  ¶ 10:40 PM